A Widow's Manifesto

Being a widow is quite a gig.

Before Lee, my late husband, died, I sometimes wondered what life would be like if I ever had to live without him. I got some things right, especially the part about missing him so much.

Other things, though, I didn't even anticipate. One of them was how women would interpret my friendliness as flirtatiousness toward their husbands.

To make the situation even more difficult is that God made me to be an encourager. It's typical for me to encourage someone--whether male or female--in person or by snail or e-mail. I've found that, now I'm a widow, such encouragement isn't always welcome.

One day a wife's response toward me pained me so much that I cried. How could she think my encouragement toward her husband was flirting? (Ironically, I'd also encouraged her at the same time.) A day or two later, I told myself that I knew I wasn't flirting, God knew I wasn't flirting, and that was enough. I'd cry no more tears over such a situation--and I haven't.

Either way, here's the scoop. I'm not on the lookout for a husband. Even if I were, I can say one thing with absolute certainty--God definitely will not lead me to yours! True, there might be women (widowed or single) who are husband-hunting and are targeting your husband. But I'm not among them.

Does that mean I will or won't marry again? God knows, not I. I don't even know if I'll ever date. (For me, being widowed doesn't automatically mean I'm available.)

My attitude has long been that the world needs more friendliness, and I intend to do my part in contributing to it. God gave me my personality. Even though I'm now a widow, I'm not going to say no thanks to God and give it back!

Lee's words to me a few years before his death convince me even more that I've made the right decision. During a conversation about something or other, I told Lee that I was more comfortable talking with men than women.

(As background, I grew up a tomboy in a neighborhood overwhelmingly populated with boys. They consented to let me play ball with them because I was the one who owned a baseball bat, ball, and pitcher's glove. My dad had played baseball and taught me to pitch. I enjoyed playing the game, even though I was the only female player. I was still delighted, though, when a girl my age moved into the neighborhood when I was nine or ten. I played baseball with her brother. I played dolls with her.)

Lee didn't say much after I told him how I felt about being more comfortable talking with men. A day or two later, though, his response may surprise you as much as it did me. In so many words, Lee said, if he were me, he wouldn't be concerned because I communicated better with men than with women. Then he added, since that was the way I felt, I should spend more time talking with men!

Now that Lee has died, I've found that's a problem. Why? Because there's another thing I didn't anticipate. There are men (married and single) who also perceive my friendliness as flirtatiousness. It amazes me. But, again, I'm not going to change my personality because of false perceptions. I'll do the same thing I do when wives think I'm flirting with their husbands. I'll keep my distance.

Here's yet another side to this story.

There are married men who subtly, yet surely, have been attracted to me and come awfully close to being flirts themselves. Ladies, how do I feel if your husbands appear to forget that they're married? Frankly, I'm disgusted. Your husbands should love and respect you. I welcome their friendliness. I don't welcome their inappropriate attention.

I can only imagine how you feel if your husband is a flirt. Lee was not. I was never concerned when we were apart for him to attend conventions. At one convention, one of Lee's male colleagues even said to Lee that he was there at the convention, but his mind was still at home.

And that's the way I was with Lee when I had to be away. We were faithful to each other. Always.

Unfortunately, I'm also finding that single guys also sometimes think I'm flirting. They seem to think I'm trying to get them to put a ring on my finger (i.e., a wedding band). Nope, guys, I'm not flirting with you. I'm just being friendly. I subscribe to the idea that a person can't have too many friends. So, I'm offering you the opportunity for us to be friends. It's your decision whether or not you accept the offer.

Now, with all of this talk about flirting, I have a confession to make. I did flirt. Once.

Lee and I met in college. We dated for quite a while, long enough to know we loved each other and had voiced how we felt.

Then summer ended and fall semester began. We had only been back in college a day or two when Lee broke up with me. Saying I was devastated doesn't even come close to describing how I felt. I trusted Lee when he said he loved me. And although we weren't much more than kids when we did fall in love, I expected him to mean what he said.

A week later, Lee asked me out again. I accepted. At the same time, I wanted him to know that just because I was going out with him didn't mean that I was going to make his life easy.

When it was time for refreshments, I saw one of Lee's friends at the other side of the table. I spoke to Lee's friend by name and flirted outrageously with him. (The poor guy didn't know what to do. Every time I've thought about it since then, I still feel a bit sorry for him.)

I'll admit it. I don't do just a good job at flirting. I did a great job of it. I'm talking Academy Award, Oscar on my shelf, great.

Lee was furious. When we returned to our seats, his words were, "You can flirt on your own time!"

But I never did. And I'm not about to start now.

Since Lee's death, I've done a lot of thinking about how my life has changed. One thing I've concluded is:

It's my life.
Someone has to live it.
So, it might as well be me.

Yes, I will live my life. Without flirting. Finding joy in each day with the personality God gave me. And thanking God and rejoicing that I was married to a husband who loved and adored me. I cherish the legacy!

Relationships between men and women are complicated enough as it is. But when one becomes a widow, she finds such relationships go from complicated to entangled. Entanglements multiply even more when wives think widows are flirting with their husbands.

Vicki Snyder is a prolific author who writes about Christian women setting and achieving goals from her blog, http://www.asdarlingasadaisy.com.

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Now Widowed? Finding a New Way to Define Yourself

Now Widowed

Widow, what a strange word! I can't tell you how many people have said to me, "You need to find a new word to describe who you are". Who I am? Does the word widow describe who we are or is that the hand that we have been dealt?

I searched the web, of course, and came up with some interesting definitions for widow as a noun:
1. a woman who has lost her husband by death and has not remarried
2. a short last line of a paragraph, especially one less than half of the full measure
3. Cards, an additional hand or part of a hand, as one dealt to the table.
4. Statistically a five letter word that starts with "W"

Used as a verb: to deprive of something greatly valued or needed

So to recap, we have lost our husbands, we are now considered "less than half of the full measure," and yes, this is the hand we have been dealt and we have been deprived of something of the greatest value.

Rather than be trapped by old definitions, I believe we need to change what "widow" looks like to society. In the film Young Widow-Naked in the Memorial Playground, a documentary produced and directed by Elizabeth Titus, she interviews people on the street to ask what comes to mind when they hear the word widow. Some of the images were, (no surprises here) black veil, sadness, tissue in hand, old lady, old house, helpless, vulnerable and alone. Does this paint a picture of you? These adjectives do not describe the powerful women I have met,. The women I know are full of courage and dreams, not looking back but moving forward with wonderful memories of a life forever changed.

I don't believe widowhood is my "station" in life. It has been my journey and yes, I have moved on from having the tissue in hand. I have been the sad and alone widow but never considered myself vulnerable or helpless. Through this journey I have been empowered through my grief, grown through new relationships, clarified my life goals and truly experience joy every day while holding on to happy memories, and I know you too can have this journey.

The widowed woman of today is the woman who has lost her husband but she is not half of a whole and does not continue to just live with the hand she has been dealt. She is a powerful force, a tower of strength and an example to her children and society. We join together in support groups to grieve and to remember where
we were and celebrate how far we've come.

We may not be able to conjure up a new word to describe the loss of our spouse, but we can awaken society to our grief and our needs as we move through the loss process, going about our new lives without wearing our "widowhood" on our sleeves. We are a force to be dealt with now, we are survivors and we will grieve our loss in our own way wearing our bright reds and yellows and never donning "widows weeds".

Audrey Pellicano R.N., M.S. is a Health Counselor to Widowed Women helping them to create a new role for them selves and face the world without pain. Schedule your free "Moving Forward Consultation" by visiting http://www.audreypellicano.com.

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Get Your Ex Back - Dos and Don'ts

Get Your Ex Back

If you want to get your ex back there are a few things that you need to recognize and be aware of if you want to make certain that the process of getting your ex back is a success. Doing the things that you must to do, and steering clear of the things that you need to avoid doing, will help to make sure of that. Here are a few ideas that you can use to help you to get your ex back.

Do Take Your Time

Recovering from a break up and getting back together can take some time so be patient. Both your ex and you need the opportunity to think about the reasons why you broke up in the first place and to get over the hurt that was caused. There may be concerns which still need to be addressed before you can even consider starting the process of getting back together.

Do Talk To Each Other

This seems obvious, but be sure to talk to each other about those issues which may have caused your break up in the first place. Discuss how you feel about the problems and any possible solutions. Make sure that you each have an equal opportunity to speak freely and frankly about any aspects of your relationship or getting back together which are bothering you. Bringing everything out in the open is the only way that you will ever be able to resume your relationship.

Don't Play on Your Ex's Emotions

Do not try to outsmart your ex by playing on their emotions. Do not try to make them jealous by going out with someone else; they will probably just retaliate and the whole plan will spiral out of control. Do not try to get even if they hurt your feelings; two wrongs don't make a right. Try to avoid emotional outbursts or provoking emotional outbursts from your ex; just deal with the questions and concerns which you both have.
Don't Treat Your Ex as Though You are Still Together

Remember, you now have a totally different relationship with your ex. You no longer have any rights with them; you can't tell them what to do or what to wear or who they can see so don't even try. Don't try to push your ex into getting back together or dating. They have to be ready and to want to see you again so don't try to hurry them into making a decision about whether it's right for the two of you to get back together.
Do Be Sincere

Make sure that you really do want to get back together and be sincere when expressing your feelings to your ex. Examine your motives for wanting to resume your relationship and make sure they're not shallow reasons like having someone to go out for dinner with or even worse, having someone to cook your dinner. Surely, you don't want to go through all this again; the breaking up and the hurt.

If you want to get your ex back without too much trouble then follow these tips and check out more excellent advice at Ways to Save Your Relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8111263

Dating Advice for Dating a Widow

Yes. This is possible. There are a lot of widows out there who might not be looking for love, but are currently being wooed, or widows who themselves want to start dating again.

So, here are some dating advices for dating a widow.

First, remember to start slow. Even if you think that a widow seems to be interested in you, please keep in mind that they have just lost someone. Yes, it is possible that she might be interested in you. But going too far too fast would never lead into anything good in this scenario. You can just start as friends and see where it will go from there. The interest you think you see might just be a way for her to get some companionship. Anyway, good relationships almost always spring from great friendships. So, either way, you will have nothing to lose but a whole lot to gain.

Second, take time to court. It may sound old school, but there are people who would rather receive a handwritten letter over an email. If you really want to get to know someone and take them seriously, then show them you are serious. Take time and slow down. A widow is going through a tough time; it would not be a good idea to jump into it at once. Doing so will only make it hard for both of you.

Third, don't let her take her previous partner's pictures down. Yes, it may bother you that you often see her dead husband's pictures on the wall. But you have to remember that they are no longer together not because of divorce. They don't hate each other, they loved each other! There is definitely nothing wrong with having a loved one's picture in the house. Asking to remove them would be disrespectful and rude, especially if the person has children. Just think of it as, that dead person is one of the reasons why you like the person you are with right now.

Fourth, stop competing with a ghost. You can expect her to say his name every once in a while. It is quite normal. If you lost someone, would you be able to forget them completely? I doubt it. So, don't expect her to do the same. For what it's worth, all this can be taken as a sign that she is someone who can deeply love a person with all her heart. All the more reason why you should be careful not to hurt her any more than she already is. A dead person will only stay in the picture, but he will never come back to life. So, stop competing with a ghost, help her cope instead.

These are only a few of the things to take note of when dating a widow. In time, you can learn a lot and add more on this with experience.

Want to learn more? Here is some dating advice for men on how to flirt with women.

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Zen + Sex = Starting Over?

Ready To Get Back Out There? 3 Must Knows

Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the most satisfying and successful years they've had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several steps to recover from the breakup.

Understanding what went wrong in the last relationship, so you don't repeat the pattern.
Identifying the kind of partner you're looking for and developing social networks involving these kinds of people.

Some people never date again or don't do so for a long time. People who wait a long time, or never date are trying to avoid repeating old mistakes and having hurt feelings, loss, disappointment and grief. This is akin to not changing anything in your departed partner's closet, because you don't want to face the pain. A better way to do it is to work through the pain, and learn from it as you go. You can figure out what went wrong, what your mistakes were, and how to correct all that and re-think your idea of relationships. This may require the help of a therapist.

Once you've taken the steps needed to recover from a breakup, finding a new love is simple, because you've changed the odds to be in your favor. But there are a few tips to help you as you start dating again.

1. Don't have sex right away with your new partner.

Keep in mind that, if you have sex right away, it usually brands the relationship as sex -only and you don't get taken seriously. So, if you want to see if you can manage it, pick someone you're attracted to, but realize there's no relationship there. Also, if you are the type who bonds upon having sex, keep that in mind -- your partner may not be, so make sure there's some bonding there before you try it.

2. Take precautions when you do have sex.

Safer sex, of course. If you're female, don't just worry about pregnancy -- make sure you're informed about disease, as well. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) can be deadly and devastating, so always provide a condom and insist on using it unless you're both tested and in a committed relationship (with someone you can trust).

3. Deal with the awkwardness of sex with a new partner.

I recommend the zen idea of a beginner's mind: Accept that everything you're doing now is new to you, and open yourself to learning about it. Wide-eyed wonder at whatever happens is very attractive. I'm not talking about being brainless or thoughtless. On the contrary. A beginner's mind is alert, observing, and open to new ideas. Your objective is to learn - about what people are doing, who they are, what the possibilities are and how it all fits in to your goals.

Everything you've learned about relationships and dating in your past is certainly useful, and you'll draw on it as we go along, but your general approach to this process is as a beginner -- 'I'm new at this, I want to learn.' Because you are a beginner, you can open lots of conversations by simply asking questions about what's going on.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_Tessina

Stay Home Date Night Idea - Mystery Meal Surprise

Date Night Idea

My husband and I are in the third chapter in our lives. With our daughter off to college, out-of-state, and our out-of-control wild and crazy days a fun memory about which we still like to reminisce, we often find ourselves climbing into our comfortable clothes on Friday and Saturday nights and sitting in our predesignated spots on the couch.

The conversation sounds something like this, "What do you want to watch tonight? I don't think The Big Bang Theory is on." and, his typical reply, "Well what do we have on Tivo? I think most of these are reruns".

Sitting around staring at each other on Friday and Saturday nights has become pretty commonplace for my husband and I in the last few years. With our crazy schedules and lack of energy after dealing with problems all week, we both agree (most of the time) that the last thing we want to do is get all dressed up and go out. Now, just because we are in our third chapter does not mean we don't enjoy each others company and like to have fun.

Quality time is still very important to us, so we try to find ways not to fall into the what's-on-TV-tonight humdrum existence. If we sound a lot like you and you are planning on staying in this weekend and need a quick and easy, unplanned date-night or are a newly dating couple and looking for a creative idea, you might consider making a Mystery Meal.

A Mystery Meal is pretty easy to prepare for and you will have absolutely no idea how it will turn out! The game is set when both people individually pick up five items to be used in preparing what's for a dinner. No cheating and telling each other what you are buying. You can go together to the grocery store, but use separate check out lanes and no peeking into each other's baskets! Then, the object is to get together and prepare a meal out of the ingredients you buy and ONLY what you buy. Sure, you can use your spices and condiments, but nothing else.

Don't set boundaries like, "you get the vegetables or let's make a chicken dish" each person picks 5 random items they want and that way you never can tell what you will end up with. Make sure you take plenty of fun pictures as you build your creation. So, you end up with only enough ingredients to make two desserts? Oh well, that would work in my house.

I hope you enjoyed our spin on cooking together and your recipe turns out amazing! For more creative activity tips, unique travel ideas, family fun, or if you would like to just share your photo of the meal you created with us, please visit us at http://www.themetrip.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lorraine_Hawley

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Ten Things Every New Widow Should Know- to Survive

When you suddenly find yourself without your life partner, you don't know what to expect. Your world's been turned upside down. Like the mighty oak caught in a fierce wind, you feel uprooted. Your feet don't touch the ground. You think you're crazy. But you're not. You're just a new widow. Your husband is dead and your life is forever changed.

Learning to expect the unexpected will help you get through this most painful time in your life. Here are 10 things you need to know if you are to survive.

1. Expect people to say stupid things. "Don't worry, you're young, you'll meet someone new." No matter your age, this will sting like a hot iron on raw flesh. Your mind is on your husband and preserving His memory. The thought of another man in your life too soon after His death may cause you additional pain.

"I'm sorry for your loss." If there is a "loss"? This makes you wonder where is found? For the new widow, there is no found.

"He would want you to find a new man." Hmmm... On this one, this writer takes umbrage. Nobody can tell you what He wanted, except you, nor, should they.

"I understand. I'm divorced." Not. Divorce is different than death. Though a divorced individual may wish her ex to not be here, it just isn't the same thing. While divorce can be painful, and having experienced one personally, the death of a soul mate is different, as this writer will attest, there is no connection.

2. Expect to be asked out--by your best friend's husband.

3. Expect to be asked, "Do you masturbate?" by your best friend.

4. Expect to break down in tears when you least expect it--at the sound of the doorbell, at the sound of the telephone, at the sight of a couple walking hand in hand. All too soon the reality of being without Him sets in and it will take time for you to let go of your past. But you will.

5. Expect to begin each day wondering how you made it though the day before. And end it thinking you just can't do it any more.

6. Expect to feel weak, strong, suicidal, angry, happy, euphoric, glad, sad, guilty, alone, lonely, trapped, free, tired, bored, overworked, overwhelmed, silly, puzzled, like you don't belong.

Why not? You have just experienced life at its worst. I'm here to tell you, everything will be okay. Think baby steps. Think, I can and think, I will.

7. Expect all your friends to run away. They're frightened, too. And they just don't know how to handle your grief. Seeing you dealing with the death of someone near and dear is just too close for comfort.

8. Expect all your friends to come back. Give them time. The real ones do.

9. Expect to find yourself standing in front of an open refrigerator at 3:00 in the morning studying the expiration date on a bottle of ketchup. Give yourself permission to process your grief any way you need to.

10. Expect to laugh when the dog pees on the living room rug, when the garage door falls off its hinges, when the refrigerator makes a puddle on the kitchen floor, and when the woman next door goes out on a date--with the woman down the street. Your life is forever changed and so is your outlook. In the big picture, these things become minuscule.

11. Expect to wish you were dead.

12. Expect to blame yourself for His death.

13. Expect to ask yourself questions that have no answers. What if? Why me? Why couldn't I have died first?

14. Expect to make plans to run away.

15. Expect to cancel them, because you realize there is no place to run away to.

16. Expect to kiss a fool.

17. Expect to feel like you cheated. You didn't.

18. Expect to wish for a giant eraser to erase away all the pain.

19. Expect the pain to never end. It won't. But in time you will learn how to manage it. I promise.

20. Expect to smile when you feel like crying.

21. Expect to not sleep.

22. Expect to not focus.

23. Expect to not eat. In the beginning you won't be able to enjoy food. But it is important to drink plenty of fluids. If nothing else, drink water to keep your kidneys flush.

24. Expect to eat too much.

25. Expect to not be in the mood for all the things you once were in the mood for. Imagine. This writer didn't want to eat chocolate!

26. Expect the sun to come out tomorrow, the daffodils to sprout in spring, every bird on the planet to sing, every oak, elm, and cottonwood to shed its leaves in autumn, the moon to glow, the stars to twinkle, the earth to spin on its axis, and then to wonder why.

27. Expect no one to understand. Though they say, "I understand." They can't. They don't. They never will. Not even another widow. Grief is personal. It's just like a thumb print, no two alike. Expect to make mistakes.

28. Expect to forgive yourself.

Okay. That's it. And now I know what you're thinking - She's listed more than ten things.

But to make it through your grief, it's important to realize you are not alone. What you are feeling is normal. Being informed is being prepared. It will help you survive.

Expect the unexpected.

And, like the mighty oak caught in a fierce storm bending in the wind to keep from being uprooted, you will learn to accept your plight. You will learn to remain grounded, and eventually you will be able to turn your upside down world right side up again.

Linda Della Donna is a freelance writer and graduate of the Institute of Children's Literature. She writes for children, parents, adults, and widows. A student of Natalie Goldberg, author of "Writing Down the Bones," Linda writes the tough stuff--cancer, dying, death--and she writes it from the heart. In 1986, Linda entered a writing contest with The Reporter Dispatch. Based on a childhood memory, her short story, "The Year That Christmas Waited" took first prize--she's been writing ever since.

To learn more about Linda and her writing passion, visit her website, http://www.littleredmailbox.com and her blog, http://griefcase.blogspot.com

Linda wants new widows to know one thing: We're not alone.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/257828

Dating Russian Girls for Widower Advice, Marriage Minded Women from East Europe, Way For You?

Widower Advice

The Babel Talmud says: "If a widower marries second time, he will still always remember his first wife. Once Abraham Lincoln told a funny story that describes that saying:

"During the sermon, the priest said that Jesus was the only perfect man in the entire world, and there is no mention of a perfect woman in Tanah or anywhere else. And at that moment one woman in the church stands up and says embarrassed: I have been listening to stories about one perfect woman for the last 6 years! -And who is she?- asks the priest -My husband's first wife.

When wife dies, the world for a man becomes darker. Life without her seems to be empty and useless and very often a deep depression may occur in this situation. What's important is not to break down. Any person sometimes gets into terrible situations, often connected with close relatives death, but it is important to stand up and go on with life!

Majority of men feel uncomfortable to date women after their wives pass away. And that is why it is very important for a matchmaker to create special atmosphere during the process of introduction.

When you start your correspondence with an Eastern European (Ukrainian or Russian) lady, you should explain her your situation. Tell her why you are willing the new relationship and this explanation will make your relationship grow stronger.

Assure the lady that you are sincerely willing to start new life and not planning to look back at the past all the time. One very important thing is children, if you are not willing to have children in future, you should state that, because most of Russian and Ukrainian ladies want to mothers. In this case it will probably be better to find a woman who has a child already.

Don't try to find a lady who will be same as your late wife. It is impossible, as there are no same people in the world, it will only bring more sorrow to your heart, and second the girls who are you are meeting or talking to, will feel that she is being compared.

There are several ways to meet Russian girls nowadays. There are huge sites with multi thousand galleries and pictures of ladies from all over the Former Soviet Union. Another way is Personal agency, that doesn't have so many ladies, but personally interviews those ladies and does the pictures of them. The bad thing about a Personalized agency is that the fees of such an organization (if it really does the work) are rather high, they include running a full time office, advertisement campaign, staff etc. But the good thing is that a Personalized agency knows in person all the female clients.

Here's what an American guy says: The agency price is not low, and it takes a "leap of faith" to wire that kind of money to the other side of the world, but my result was excellent. I am now engaged to an exceptionally intelligent, beautiful Ukrainian lady. I know in my heart that she loves me dearly. In Ukraine, "love" is not an expression used flippantly as in the USA. it is an emotion with extremely serious gravity.

Wish you good luck in finding your soul mate!

Mishael Mordinson is a representative of A Mordinson Introduction http://www.mordinson.com Elite Dating and Marriage Club in Kharkov, Ukraine. Presenting some of the most Attractive Traditional Life values Russian Brides. Learn more about Marriage Minded Women from Ukraine at http://www.mordinson.com

Mordinson company was started by Efim Yankelevich Mordinson as a family organization in 1980, the main direction of it was photography business. The new direction "Introduction service" has been developed in 1999.

During the years of successful work A Mordinson Introduction has matched many happy couples. The photographs and the personal experience sharing of some Mordinson clients you can find at Love stories.

The Mordinson works towards your unique needs and requirements for a significant relationship. A Mordinson Introduction specializes exclusively in long-term relationships.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/520208

Widows and Dating - Moving On

Are you a widow and dating again is something you're beginning to contemplate? Have you grieved and mourned your loss, but you now wonder if, as a widow, dating is something you're ready for? Have you been told it's time to move on, but being a widow and dating don't seem to mix well in your mind?
Moving on after such a great loss is not something to be taken lightly. While many may tell you to get over it and just move on, only you can truly know when you're prepared to be a widow who dates.

Time on Your Own
Losing a loved one is life changing. Whether he passed away following a lengthy illness or he was killed suddenly, the sudden sense of emptiness in your life can be devastating... a veritable nightmare.
The healing process takes time and you need to indulge yourself and take all the time you need. Moving on too quickly can be painful, bringing to the surface the pain that's not yet healed and leaving your fresh wounds wide open.

People's Perception of Widows and Dating
Widows who date are sometimes criticized for moving on too fast. Their husband has barely been buried a few months and she's already going out with a new man and people frown at the short grieving time.
More often than not, these are widows who've witness the slow deterioration of a sick spouse. Over a period of months, sometimes even years, they've watched the love of their life slowly slip away.

You Feel Ready... Then Go!
Though it may seem strange to others who've not lived through what you have, it's perfectly normal to feel you're ready to move on after only a few months.

As a friend recently told me, to her mind and heart, her husband had truly left her when he was first told he had a brain tumor. He changed and was no longer himself, and for the next two years my friend remained at his side, daring to hope with each new treatment that was suggested, only to fall to depressing lows when treatments barely made a difference.

When her husband died, she felt a desperate need to reconnect with life. Her pain, suffering and loneliness were suffocating her. It was time to move on despite her children's misgivings about her dating again.

Trust Your Heart
When you begin dating again, make sure you feel ready to open up to this new man before you, not simply hope to make him a replacement of the man you lost. If your new date is aware of your recent loss and of your great pain, he may feel the pressure to live up to your expectations of replacing him.

While your pain is normal, try to come to your date with as clean a slate as you can. Avoid talking of your late husband, especially if the topic is still painful. Though your date may be ready to hear talk of him to a degree, to see you tear up and become glum as you lose yourself in the memories will only leave him feeling uncomfortable.

Want to learn more? Go to: 77 Secrets of Love and learn how to make him fall in love with you hopelessly.
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This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5486193

Can You Rebuild The Romance? How To Tell If Your Ex Will Take You Back

Breakups... heartbreak... we've all been there before, and it's one of the most painful things in life.
Sometimes, though, relationships can end prematurely. Whether it's because one person simply wasn't ready to commit, or because some external factor -- a job offer, a few years at a faraway college -- it's always unfortunate when a relationship ends before its had a chance to blossom to its full potential.

If you're in that type of situation, thinking about that guy or girl that you let slip away, then you might also be wondering whether it's worth trying to rekindle the romantic flame. Is there any hope that your ex will take you back? What if they don't feel the same way?

Even if you've just been dumped, the reality is that things are often less desperate than they seem: many relationship experts suggest that 9 out of 10 breakups are reversible with sufficient effort on behalf of one or both partners.

One of the major hurdles to getting back together with an ex, though, is figuring out whether it's even possible. There are a number of signs you can look for in your ex that usually indicate either a casual interest in reconnecting, or a genuine desire to quickly rebuild your broken relationship.

One telltale sign of an ex that wants you back is both simple and obvious: they maintain communication! If your ex girlfriend / ex boyfriend continues to talk with you on a regular (or semi-regular) basis, that's an extremely clear sign that they're still at least interest in keeping tabs on you, even if it's only because "you never know what will happen in the future".

Another sign -- and this one is a strong indication of linger romantic or sexual interest -- is flirting. Does your ex send you a naughty late-night text message every now and then? Do they invite you for coffee and casually touch your arm, or call you to talk about the 'good old days' when you were madly in love? However subtle the flirting is, it's a strong signal that they may be willing to get back together.

Jealousy is another major indicator of lingering interest on your ex's behalf. Why would a past lover be jealous of your current love life if they're not still at least somewhat interested in you on a romantic level? If your ex is jealous about a person you've been hanging out with or gives you a hard time over someone you've been seeing or doing, then it means they probably still care (even if it's on a subconscious level).
Finally, while it's certainly helpful to look for signs that your ex might be giving that indicate they're willing to rekindle the romantic flame, there are many other factors that you'll want to take into consideration:

- Was your relationship with this ex a strong and mature one, or was it more of a high-school fling?
- How long has it been since the two of you first broke up?
- Was it an ugly, nasty breakup with lots of fighting and anger, or was it a tearful, mutual decision to part ways?
Relationship science suggests that all of these factors will play a role in determining whether or not a relationship can be salvaged.

With all of that in mind, you should be better prepared to make a decision about your ex and whether its possible (and worthwhile!) to rekindle the spark. Either way, I wish you all the best of luck!

Brad Browning is a relationship expert, dating coach, and breakup guru from Vancouver, Canada. In addition to writing about breakups and conflict resolution for a major dating website, he has also developed an innovative online "ex back quiz" to help men and women who are trying to reconnect with an ex lover.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8015970

How to Attract a Girl With the 'Nice Guy' Approach

There are a lot of pickup artists out there who will try to teach you how to attract a girl, but although their advice may be useful, most of their advice will ask you to act with external self-references that don't always work. To make life easier for you, here are the most important things that you need to do if you want to to attract a girl and actually succeed.

Be a Man.
Obviously, you are a man. However, girls love being with a 'real' man. In other words, if you show off a lot of feminine tendencies, then you shouldn't be surprised if a girl keeps finding you unattractive or even downright annoying. If you are like this in any way, then try to concentrate on classic male traits from now on, like decisiveness, confidence, emotional stability, self-respect and courage. Never et involved in things that may undermine these traits, either.

Also, try to avoid highly emotional situations and don't feel like you have to constantly impress girls just to win them over. A lot of the time, girls may test guys to see how they would respond in particular situations. Do not fall into their traps and just stay as stable, as calm and as well-adjusted as possible.

Be Friendly and Nice.
A lot of people believe that you cannot learn how to attract a girl with the 'nice guy' approach, but this isn't necessarily true. After all, what girl would truly fall for an abusive guy? While bad guys may seem more interesting in the beginning and may give girls emotional thrills every now and then, the truth is that girls will still fall back to nice guys - provided those guys aren't boring, that is.
So, don't be a douche. Be respectful and considerate of the opposite sex at all times, but don't be boring. You can easily win any girl over this way.

Be Confident.
If you really want to learn how to attract a girl, you have to learn to be ultra confident, as well. All that this means is that you have to sop being apprehensive and scared of girls altogether. If you tend to be shy around the opposite sex, try seeing them as regular people with the same desires and interests as you as opposed to strange creatures that you hope to date. Once you start treating girls as mere friends, you will become more comfortable around them and have no trouble winning them over.

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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8087256

Widower Dating: Getting Popular With Time

It is true that loss of a loved one can be really painful and starting life all over again may seem to be impossible at times. It is very difficult for a widower to think of dating, but life cannot always be lived alone. The best time for widower dating is when a person feels himself totally prepared for it mentally.

Loneliness after losing a loved one can be very difficult to cope with. The sudden emptiness can seem to be a nightmare at times. Healing definitely takes time and one should not hurry to date again as it may revive the old pain.

When a widow thinks of dating again, finding someone suitable and understanding enough is very important. One should also never compare the one they are dating with their previous partner and also expecting a serious relationship straightaway should be avoided.

Widower dating is getting acceptability with changing times and you can find various sites too dedicated for the purpose. On such sites you can find people going through similar kind of situations and can also help you get a person who can really understand you well.

At times you may feel guilt about it, but that is very obvious and you will get over that feeling soon too. Avoid going to places that may remind you of the past.

When a person is thinking of dating a widow, he should be careful about respecting the emotions and sentiments of the other person. They might need time and space to release their feelings and pent up emotions. They should avoid pushing the person too hard for things, rather try to go with the flow and wait for your relationship to strengthen. There might be widower who has kids, and special care should be taken in such cases. You got to be patient and be respectful towards them too.

You can't expect a perfect relationship at the outset when you are dating a widower. But it is always good to have a company after you have suffered a loss. The feeling has to be mutual and when you date a widower, questions about their past should be avoided. They may have lost someone, but there is always a new place that can be created in their hearts.

Widower dating is not frowned upon these days as they were earlier and therefore one should not feel anything bad about it.

Widower dating [http://widowerdating.org/] can give help those people recover who have lost their spouse. More information can be obtained from our site [http://widowerdating.org/]

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7535058

Dating Tips For Middle Aged People

If you are recently divorced or widowed, and are an aging boomer who hasn't dated in years; if you can barely remember what dating was like except a fuzzy memory of being young, happy and free, then you may be wondering how dating at middle age is different. This article talks a little about dating for middle aged people.

I am almost 50 and was recently thrown back into the middle aged dating pool when my husband came out of the closet. While I was married I often missed dating since marriage usually seemed so predictable and boring. The idea of being chased by a new man and discovering everything about him seemed so much more exciting then yet another date night where my husband and I ran out of things to talk about since we had heard every story we ever had after 20 years.
I was unpleasantly surprised to find that there were a lot of bad things about dating that I had forgotten about when I started dating again:

1. Being judged on your looks
I was used to being judged at the store by what was in my wallet or at work by what was in my brain, but is had been WAY too long since I was judged on my looks. And those looks were not so great as 20 years ago!

2. Liking someone more than they like you
This is VERY painful and if you haven't experienced it in many years and are still reeling with grief from a death or divorce it can cut like a knife.

3. No regular intimacy
Let's face it, when you are married you get regular physical intimacy pretty much on demand, even if it is not that great it is still something.

4. Loneliness
You have to hope you get a date and if not you are faced with finding someone friend to do stuff with on the weekend or weeknight. I have found meetup.com to be a great resource for me as well as a way to meet other middle aged singles who are in the same boat.

5. Courtship rules
It is best to go slow, even though you may want to go right back to where you were in your marriage while it was good. This means letting information about yourself out slowly and slowing down the dating process so you are not like a kid eating too much candy all at once and getting sick. If you are used to sharing everything with your spouse, this may feel strange. Also letting the guy pay may be weird. I found myself automatically grabbing for the check at the restaurant since I was the bookkeeper in my family. If you are a feminist and used to bossing men around at work, passively waiting to be asked out on a date may feel awful.
So what is new for us at middle aged that we have not forgotten about:

1. Online dating
There is a whole new world out there and it is like Facebook for daters. I thought as soon as I posted my profile I would be flooded with date offers. While that may be true for some, the offers are not always what you want. You have to have a lot of patience for the right date offer to come along.

2. Functionality issues
Let's face it, everything does not work as well as it used to for men. This may be especially embarrassing on a date and will keep men from feeling comfortable going on a date. Men often think that dating way below their age will solve the problem, but this idea has it's own set of problems such as commonality and whether to start another family.

3. Bad man to woman ratio
Men start to die off in middle aged, sadly, and this leaves way more women than men in the singles pool. By age 60 some estimates show there is 1 single man for every 2 women.

Find more articles about middle aged dating at http://datingadvice.cc

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8017648

Love After Loss - Widow With Children

Love After Loss - Widow With Children

A young widower with two children said something to me recently which I will never forget. He said that as a single parent who is a widow, there is no time off for dating. If you are divorced, you will have times when your ex-spouse has the children. When you are widowed, you have no such "break" for adult time.

If you are a young widow or widower with children, how do you get your "grown up" time? It is important for you to take your time to grieve your loss. At the same time, you are often worried that you are not doing right by your children and you wonder if you are doing enough to help them through their own grief journey after having lost one of their parents.

The young widower explained it this way: in order to take care of your children and not give into the temptation to use them as confidants, it is important to take the time to be with other adults. When you are ready to date, you can show your children that although you loved your late spouse and still do, you also understand that you have a need for companionship.

Are you in this position?

Do you feel guilty because you are lonely after your spouse died?
Do you hesitate to date?
Do you wonder whether you are going to hurt your children by seeking a new life partner?
Have people told you to forget about love and focus on raising your children?

If you were in a happy marriage, you know that the relationship between you and your spouse was the foundation of your family. If you neglected each other, the children suffered. If you concentrated on keeping your relationship strong, the children had the benefit of witnessing a healthy relationship between the two most influential adults in their lives. Often when one spouse puts the children first, instead of the marriage, the relationship between the couple suffers.

While it is critical that you make sure your children have support for the loss of their parent, it is also important that they see their surviving parent progressing through the grief journey. If you do not want to date, that is perfectly fine. If you do want to find love again after loss, you have a right to do so. Well-meaning people may give you unsolicited advice, but you get to decide what to do about finding love again, not them.

Take care of yourself as you prepare to find love after loss. For more tips and tools about finding love after losing your spouse, go to [http://fromlosstoloveagain.com]. Become a member and post your comments to share with others about this topic today.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/4436480

Widow Widower Dating - Navigating the Grieving Process

Widow Widower Dating

There is nothing exceptional about death. It happens to everyone eventually, of course, causing a ripple effect of pain involving all caught in its path. But when you're young and healthy, surrounded by younger people in good health, you are able to store safely in the back of your mind. Serious illness and death are things that happen to the widow widower dating elderly, so it is not just people.

And if you are a young parent widow widower dating, the prospect of such a catastrophic event is even more difficult to understand. It seems impossible to lose a spouse - or worse, a child - in a first stage in the life of your family, a time when just getting started in the world of parenting with all its responsibilities and challenges. You are too busy to get used to a new way of widow widower dating life . It can not happen now. And it will not.

Marny Williams-Balodis But, he did. Eleven years ago, the mother of a son and three years and three months girl lost her husband, Keith Williams, after a short battle with widow widower dating esophageal cancer.

The doctors gave him three to six months of life , just six weeks later, he was gone . Everything happened so fast too fast to really understand the widow widower dating situation.

"During the first year, he spends a lot of time trying to accept the reality of it,"he said. "You're always waiting for the widow widower dating phone to ring to say he will be late for dinner, or just checking in greeting. Always expect the car in the driveway. 'Cause you know it is gone, but the head does not know he's gone ."

Living a Fulfilling Life As a Widow

Being a widow can be pretty scary, especially if you have children. Who's going to be there for you? How do you raise kids all on your own? Would you be able to live a good life now that your partner is gone?

Being a widow, however, doesn't mean the end of the world. You can still live a life that's full of love, support, and care. In fact, a lot of widows continue to live all by themselves, never remarrying at all.

How do others do it? Here are some ideas:

1. Don't focus on the past.

You cannot do anything with the past except perhaps learn from it or never forget the memories of your beloved. Instead, you focus your attention to the present and to the future. Plan on something great, something you can definitely look forward to and get you excited. Are you hoping to retire in a cabin by the lake? Would you like to see the world before you hit forty?

2. Spend more time with your loved ones.

There's no doubt that losing a beloved can be extremely painful. Nevertheless, you still have plenty of people who love you and are waiting for you to love them back. Why don't you spend more time with them? Perhaps it's time to get to know the activities of your kids and discover how you can participate. Go out with your friends, those you haven't seen for such a long time now.

3. Pursue your interests.

Perhaps there are some activities or things you stop pursuing when you got married. So you don' feel the loneliness a lot, it's a good time to get back to them. If not, you can look for other activities, especially those that you haven't tried before. You can enroll in dancing schools, take up a second course, practice cooking, or learn yoga.

4. Try to do things alone.

One of the things you would surely battle when you're a widow is the feeling of being alone. You feel abandoned or rejected. You have no one to hold on to when you are having some issues or challenges. However, you have to learn how to deal with being on your own. It's time to be more independent. You can begin by doing some things alone. It may be hard at first, but as long as you're willing to rise above it, you'll surely get used to it.

5. Think positive.

Never allow the negative thoughts to occupy your mind, or else, you'll only feel miserable about yourself or the situation you're in. Instead, entertain only positive thoughts. It would help you a great deal if you listen to subliminal messages. Every morning, listen to affirmations such as "I know I still have so much to live for," "Life doesn't end in death of a loved one," or "I welcome new changes in my life."

Today you'll find subliminal messages in mp3 forms, so you can save them in your mp3 player or iPod. You can hear them as often as you like.

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Dating With Children - Tips For Single Parents

Dating With Children

Have you met someone very nice and you start to think that maybe the "one" . Only one small problem (or maybe more), if you are divorced and even mid 30 - dating with children.....
If we , while raising dating with children, we must integrate and balance the responsibilities of fatherhood and consider the attitudes and perceptions of dating with children - and it is not easy ! Here are some tips:

1. Not involve dating with children in adult relationships to be too immature to understand
Not all relationships that will last , so save your dating with children from unnecessary exposure to short-term flows . It can be painful for your children when they are not there, especially those dealing with post- divorce parental alienation - which can be quickly and intensely . Make sure the new person in your life is there for the long term before the introduction of their dating with children.

2. Testing the Waters - talk to your children about the first dating
Ask them what they think of you dating. Explain that just as dating with children need time with other dating with children, adults need time with other adults.
Tell them that although they are the most important people in your life, you start to come out so you can have the companionship and enjoyment for someone his age.

Do not expect to be happy about it - you probably will not be for several reasons : they can become too attached and used to be the main focus of his life there , so I will not share with you a new partner. You can always hide the fantasy of his parents together and their meeting ended this dream .

They may have suffered several losses due to divorce and feelings of abandonment and insecurity could resurface . You probably see his encounters as a threat to their own time and experience with you dating with children.

3. When you feel a relationship is solid and it's time to involve dating with children, made the introduction, friendly and preferably some casual fun for kids
Emphasis should be placed in an activity that is not " learning to know each other better." Consider a trip to watch cricket or going to a concert, golf (unless you play, you can drive the car) or bowling .

Lower expectations regarding the acceptance of your partner and be prepared for resistance, even hostility dating with children, to understand that just because you like a new partner, does not mean your child will be your child. The only condition for the first meeting is for the child to show good manners and basic usability. Love and even love can come with time.

4. Depending on the age and maturity of the child , encourage your dating with children to be open, ask questions and talk about feelings.

Do not seek the approval of its new partner, as it can encourage the manipulation and finally gives dating with children a sense of responsibility unhealthy relationship . Emphasize your unconditional love and ongoing commitment to them and always following the promises about time " alone" and other family and social obligations.

At the same time , not to minimize the importance of his new love , or when your child eventually learns that you are in love, may feel that their trust was broken and betrayed - like the more you need confidence . Pay attention to your reactions as you introduce your new partner in the family - dating with children can be very insightful !

Widow Dating Site - Best Quality

Widow Dating Site

This is one of the mechanisms woo more accessible and friendly widow dating site, which makes the community in general , men are more likely to be single and women to be very optimistic. Pulled strongly that this type of court collateral stick around because it is safe , comfortable and affordable . The pleasure that is used by the pace of events is unmatched by any other method and attract these young singles and old alike have had a reason to smile.

Patio speed is an informal type of courtship that came from the widow dating site Jewish leaders in their quest to discover the bride and groom ready within the areas exactly where large communities of non-Jews . He became an organized splendor exactly where a large number of people were able to find and find out much more about everyone else. Formal Arenas speed widow dating site are usually abundant in organizing marriage agencies who rents a room in a restaurant or a bar , which is organized for specific groups of people who have paid a certain amount of money as a fee widow dating site for the event.

Pace Court is an informal type of the coming meeting of Jewish leaders in their search for possible joint loans in areas where there are large communities of non-Jews widow dating site. Was carried out in an organized style full of splendor exactly where a large number of experienced the opportunity to meet and get to know each other better . Formal Arenas exactly where the pace of the meetings are usually common in the activity of widow dating site agencies who rents a room in a coffee or a bar , which is aimed at certain groups of people who have paid a certain amount of money as a burden for the event.

What follows is that lonely people are given about 10 minutes should sit at a desk with a person and start chatting widow dating site. Once each of those working had sufficient opportunity for the set of all potential individuals present , fill out a card listing categorically that these people have and want to experience widow dating site again.

Immediately after the end of the activity rhythm, the organizers then review all the package lists and people who want to know they are still obliged to show that the two will meet again , the telephone contacts were exchanged and returned to them . This allows individuals the widow dating site opportunity to examine the whole issue back to this step.

Around the world widow dating site rate cut has gained tremendous popularity and is going places. The active nature of human beings are denied the time to participate in the instances of successful socialization, and have no choice but to do this widow dating site method to attract many people confessing their efficiency and comfort over the level of security in question. It's a sign of things to come and that the nature of women have to be complicated and active , no time to go for a drink after the show , speed widow dating site and will be required for every single human being. No way.

When Death Comes Between You - Dating a Widow

Dating a Widow

When you marry somebody, you dedicate a huge chunk of your life, a huge chuck of yourself, to that person. They mean more to you than just about any one else, and are often the center of your life. You see and love and talk to them every day. And when they die, the chasm they leave behind is so wide it seems impossible to fill.

If you've never had it happen, you can probably imagine how it might feel. In a word: hellish.

Which makes dating a widow or widower such a delicate undertaking. If you've met somebody who's had a spouse die, you'll want to tread carefully - there are dangerous bits of ground in this relationship that you don't even know exist...and you could step in them at any time. So even though dating a widow or widower is often 100% worth the effort, it's important to ask yourself a few important questions before you take the plunge.

Are They Ready?

This is something that only your new partner can answer. We all take our own time to heal - and some take longer than others. Even after you've mostly healed, it can be very hard to move on after losing somebody you loved. If you are this person's first relationship after the death of his or her spouse, you'll have to be particularly sensitive to his or her feelings. And you'll also have to be prepared for things not to work. Especially after a long-term marriage has ended in death, getting back into the dating world can be shaky and difficult - and it doesn't always work at first. Patience is key.

Will Issues Get in the Way?

When a relationship ends in divorce or separation, the dynamic changes. A person can heal, understand their mistakes, and move on stronger and wiser. But things don't happen the same way when a relationship ends due to the death of a spouse. Losing somebody to death instead of a mutually-agreed separation can leave a lot of issues un-dealt-with.

No relationship is perfect, and there are always lessons to be taken into a new relationship. However, when your partner's spouse has died, it can make talking out these sorts of issues an incredibly delicate process. It will be difficult for them to speak ill of the one they loved, and even more difficult for you - saying the wrong thing could put you in dangerous territory.

Can You Handle the Implications?

This is going to sound cold and selfish, but here it is: will you be able to handle the idea of always playing second fiddle to your partner's deceased spouse? Because in most cases, that's just what you should expect when you have a relationship with a widow or widower. It's practically impossible to compete with a memory, especially when that person's death has leant them a glow that makes their flaws difficult to remember. And if things work out with your new partner, you may have to play second fiddle for years and years to come.

But there are also some great things about being with a partner who feels this way. That a person can show such love and loyalty so long after a relationship proves them capable of an incredible depth of feeling. And definitely bodes well for their ability to love you, too. Keep in mind that, just because somebody you're with has loved deeply and still remembers the one they lost, it doesn't mean there's not room for you in their heart, too.

Use PlanJam.com to find additional dating advice and date ideas.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1401161

Dating With Widow - Fenty Dating Widow

Dating With Widow

This is not something that we often speak in public dating with widow, for fear of appearing frivolous, but privately , most theater -makers have thought long and hard about whether they had ever considered dating a fellow artist . More artists boyfriends : they are more likely to understand their dating with widow struggles and take an interest in their work. Less Personal artists : it's probably so busy , overscheduled and neurotic they are.

Also, if you work in the same field as you and the theater is notoriously weak , incestuous field know much about him in the same gossip, have many of the same friends and, worst of all, it could be your lover in a personal context dating with widow, but in a professional competitor .

For all these reasons dating with widow, I decided years ago that was probably not want to date a young director , certainly not a fellow playwright . However, most of this year , I'm dating a musician, a permanent bassist named Colin . Jazz is his specialty , but he'll play other styles of music (classical, country, pop) dating with widowif necessary .

She had always loved the theater , and now I am happy , I like to have an incentive to make more pieces often always liked jazz, and now I'm with him dating with widow, I like to have an incentive to appreciate this style of music more background .

Besides all the other qualities of Colin dating with widow, I felt like I had reached a " best of both worlds " situation regarding the issue of dating other - artist. It's very nice to be in a relationship with someone who understands the challenges of working in a job while pursuing our art in the evenings and weekends . We encourage each other dating with widow, celebrate our successes , and sorry for the difficulties and humiliations resubmit the world of artists .

But because we do not work in the same field , no jealousy or competition. And though our art keeps us busy , it is impossible for us to see each other . Colin usually has one or two concerts of jazz a week , I'm always writing projects, but can be crammed at odd hours . It's not like I'm an actor , playing in three , four or five shows a week dating with widow.

But then , in June, we went to see Prelude to a Kiss Theatre Co. in custom theater's artistic director dating with widow, Brian Katz , was in the room that night , and I made my boyfriend for him. And , as usual Colin every time he meets someone who might be able to hire the musicians , pulled out his business card and said, "If you need a bass player dating with widow... "